I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How naked do you want me to be?
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