she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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