OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
