i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
