whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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