Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
