i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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