I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
