fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
