last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
