Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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