So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
