Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
