She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
