So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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