Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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