I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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