I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
