and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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