I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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