bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
