Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
