I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
