I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
