these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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