dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
