My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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