Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
