I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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