Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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