Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
