I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
