3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
