i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
