to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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