I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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