I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
