ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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