How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
