I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
