i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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