i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
