the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
