hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
