Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
