im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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