and i looked up. we had an audience...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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