He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
