Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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