I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
