I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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