She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
