i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
